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"ARSENAL'S FORGOTTEN HEROES?"

Ever wondered what happened to the Arsenal stars of yesteryear? The cultured midfielders, the battling defenders and the free-scoring strikers that have passed through the marble halls of course number in the hundreds, but where are they now? Well to be honest, who knows? But what about the journeymen, the flat-footed hoofers and reserve fodder which made up the numbers during the 1990s?

Incredibly, many of our Arsenal's first choice reserve eleven are still knocking around in the various English divisions, with some a bit further afield, while a remarkably small number have taken the expected, proper decision to hang up their boots for the good of football.

And so, may we present the Stewart Houston Memorial Eleven, those eleven Arsenal players who so ably provided the jumpers for goal-posts in the post-training kick-about. Incidentally, Coneman has selected a 3-5-2 formation for his side because, well, who knows why Coneman does what he does?

1. Vince Bartram 12 appearances for the Gunners between 1994 and 1998 saw Vince brilliantly snatch the crown of reserve 'keeper from Alan Miller, while John Lukic was on holiday. The Bartman has since moved on, and now occupies the reserve goalie seat on the bench at Gillingham with equal skill and composure.

2. Eddie McGoldrick Fondly remembered for his resemblance to an angry hedgehog, Eddie made deceptively few appearances for the Arsenal, just 53 in three years including 9 as sub. He left in 1996 having had his loan move to Manchester City made permanent, but failed to make an impact. A brief loan spell at Stockport in 1998 was unsuccessful, and City released Eddie the following summer, and he has now disappeared into the non-leagues.

3. Andy Linighan Unfortunate to be included in such a motley crew, but the unsung hero of the 1993 FA Cup Final never really made the impact a pair of red cheeks like that deserved, especially when combined with that nose, nicely smeared across his face by Mark Bright on that fateful May evening. A £110,000 move to Crystal Palace was secured when it became clear that Keown, Adams and Bould had no intention of moving over, and Selhurst Park is where he currently plies his trade, broken only by a brief loan spell at QPR.

4. Siggi Jonsson Oh Siggi, where did you go? Absolutely no idea to be honest, as after a handful of substitute appearances for Arsenal between 1989 and 1991, Siggi vanished. He reappeared, however, in 1995, playing for Orebro in Sweden. Following some startling performances for the Icelandic national side, Siggi then secured his dream move in 1997, to Dundee United. He had made 16 appearances for the Scottish Premier outfit until, alas, he was released only last week, and Siggi is currently looking for a new club, back home amongst the geysers.

5. David Hillier Having survived the infamous airport luggage thievery scandal in 1993/4, gritty midfield battler Hillier went on to make a total of 143 appearances for the Arsenal. However, when it was shown to everyone's great surprise that he was in fact rubbish, he was offloaded to Portsmouth by Bruce Rioch who for some reason preferred some bloke called Bergkamp. He has since moved on to Bristol Rovers where, I kid you not, he is being touted as the next player manager at the club. Wonders will never cease.

6. Ian Selley No surprise to see perennial underachiever Ian in here. Once possessed the talent to make it, but unfortunately not the skeleton, as his brittle legs snapped once too often for the Arsenal management's liking, and he was off on loan to Southend after making only 61 Arsenal appearances in five years. Amazingly made the club £500,000 richer through a permanent move to Fulham, where he still remains, but has rarely featured in Keegan/Bracewell/Riedle's plans.

7. Kwame Ampadu With a name like that it hardly seems fair that Kwame only made two substitute appearances for the Gunners in three years at the club. The graceful midfield genius never truly cut the mustard at Highbury, but West Brom, Swansea and Leyton Orient will testify to his cultured touches and visionary passing ability. Currently still holding down the number 9 shirt at Orient, and a regular in the first team.

8. Steve Morrow While we all allowed ourselves a sharp intake of breath in 1993 when Steve Morrow fell off his donkey after scoring the winner in the Coca-Cola Cup, I challenge all of you to deny that it was hilariously funny at the same time. And this is the tragedy of Steve Morrow, a career riddled with injury which has left supporters feeling sorry for the man, and not for the team that will be without him for a few more weeks. 52 full appearances plus 33 sub appearances up until 1997 is telling when it is considered that he arrived as a trainee and stayed for eight years. Loan moves followed to Reading, Watford, Barnet and QPR, before QPR took the £500,000 plunge. He remains at QPR, but yet more injuries are likely to end in retirement before too much longer.

9. Mark Flatts Midfielder, winger, forward, you name it and Mark Flatts would have a go but fall on his arse. 18 first team appearances over the course of six years at the club were interspersed with loan moves to Cambridge, Brighton, Bristol City and Grimsby. However, since he left Arsenal permanently at the end of the 1995/96 season, Mark Flatts has mysteriously disappeared. Any information as to his whereabouts gratefully appreciated…

10. Paul Dickov Another player unfortunate to be included in the Coneman eleven, but his appearance is his own fault. Having consistently failed to produce the goods and successfully break into the first team at Highbury despite scoring six goals in his 25 appearances in the first team, Dickov left for Manchester City for £1m following loans at Luton Town and Brighton. He has since proved himself far more able than first anticipated, scoring fairly consistently for City and until recently holding down a regular first team place in the face of stiff competition.

11. Glenn Helder Yes, he made it in. A gleaming onion in a field full of spuds, and admittedly more of a winger than a forward, he had to get in by virtue of being one of the most comical men with the ball at his feet that the club has seen in decades. "And here's Helder on the halfway line, good running from the Dutchman, he rounds one, excellent nutmeg, around another, what an incredible run this is, now if he'll just square it…". Yes we all remember it fondly, and the laughter of the opposition fans as poor Glenn stumbled to the ground still rings in our ears to this day. Briefly on loan to Benfica, Glenn resurfaced at NAC Breda in Holland, before moving on a free transfer (what a coup!) to MTK Budapest last summer. And he would have been the jewel in the crown of any manager's reserve side. Glenn - we salute you!

And so there it is, the greatest side Arsenal never had all at once, and let's all consider that when we moan about our current mob. Other squad members sadly not good enough for the first eleven include Jimmy 'Stumbler' Carter, Pal 'Was he worth it George?' Lyderson, Neil 'Faster than a bat out of Brighton' Heaney, Lee Harper (the most miserable looking man ever to grace a squad photo - see 1994/95 and 1995/96) and, of course, Gus Caesar.

And let's leave the final word to the manager, Coneman himself. Go on then Stewart, it's all yours…

"Look, I'm just saying, I think QPR have got a good system, that's all. And they have blue and white striped ones for their players to run around…"

 

  Boring Boring Arsenal (version 6) © Richard Head 2001 (All rights reserved)